Allergic to Cow's Milk? !?!?!

Last week I finally gave into my suspicion that Mia was bleeding at just about every bowel movement. It happened on Thursday (10/4/07) morning after she had slept for 7 straight hours I was changing her diaper and I could deny it no longer, there in her stool was a bunch of bits of bloody mucous. I had been thinking it was possibly food coloring before, but I finally had to admit what I saw was a blood halo in her stool. I am breastfeeding and I am determined to continue without hurting my child. So I called around and I was finally able to find a pediatrician that was recommended by a friend to see me on such short notice. Sadly I got to the appt a little late, but we made it. She confirmed my suspicions and suggested that we do a hypoallergenic formula while Ted took care of the girls over the weekend. This would allow me time to clear the pantry of all things that contained milk and basically so I could do the research as to what I had to avoid. I also confirmed with my former pediatrician, whom I loved, to see if they would recommend the same course of action and they agreed. It was very difficult to let go of my baby Mia, but it had to be done. I left them on Friday at my in-law's house with their father and cried until I reached my girlfriends who were ready to get my mind off of the current situation. On Saturday Ted and I met up so that I could get Luisa to a birthday party and then I returned her to him after a couple of hours. Mia was restless Friday night and all day Saturday, giving Ted a taste of what my life is like 24/7. I screwed up at the birthday party and had some ice cream and vowed not to let that happen again!

Fortunately, I think Luisa has adjusted well to the fact that dad isn't around. Although some of the things she says concern me, like "Daddy threw us away" or "Daddy always screams at me", or "I want that Daddy on TV". I can't imagine what it must be like not to have your dad around when you need him most (all the time). But, I can relate to what it feels to be a single mom and it sucks. I feel like I yell at Luisa when what I really want to do is yell at Ted. I get so annoyed with myself when I have sympathy for him. I really just want to ring his neck! He has created such chaos and havoc in my life, I feel like I can never forgive him for what he has done to our family. I may be paying for this now, but I hope he will pay dearly for later for this. I know that doesn't sound kind or very Christian like, but let's face it what he has done gives me justification in feeling this way.

As for Mia, she has been a champ. She finally adjusted to the formula and then I switched her back to breast milk. I really am committed to doing right by her. I know right now it's a little rough, but we will get through this. Today (10/10) she had another bloody stool, but I'm hoping it's just because my body is getting rid of the last of the milk I had on Saturday. I'm keeping a food diary now in hopes that I will not make any more mistakes. I contacted the on call Dr. tonight and he advised I pump and save the milk and give her formula tonight, I just couldn't do it. It is way too hard for me to pump and feed Mia and bathe, discipline, and put Luisa to bed since I am all alone. I am not completely alone, my mom is available to help me, but Luisa doesn't obey her and would rather I be the one to wipe her when she goes to the bathroom, and she prefers I read her the books at night and she prefers I be the one to take care of whatever it is she needs. So I'm doing the best I can and I'm praying that God help us through this situation. Won't you pray for us too?

By the way, Mia is smiling more and she has slept 7 hours in a row 5 out of the last 8 days. Luisa and I have been on a real search for a preschool and we might have one, now if they just have a spot for her that would be awesome. I really think once she's back in preschool our relationship will improve and she may lose some of her stubborn behavior and I can be a better mom.

I'm calling Dr. McCray (our pediatrician) tomorrow just to let her know of my concerns although she said the bleeding could continue for another 7 days. I hope that by the time we get in to see her it will be gone and I WILL stick to the diet. I spoke to a friend who did it and she said the bonus was that she lost some extra pounds in the process. I could stand to eat more fruits and vegetables anyway, so here's to healthy eating!

Let's just hope my situation doesn't turn out like this woman's story.